Just A Note

Today was a little rough for me. I discharged a patient I had become attached to. This is something that doctors are taught not to do. However, it is a serious complication being a pediatrician. Not only am I a pediatrician, but I work in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (aka NICU). I want to see a person with feelings not get attached to this precious beings. My job is at times very difficult. Lately, I have felt out of place and insecure. I am a general pediatrician working in a very specialized unit. I am planning on getting the extra training to be a neonatologist. I just have to wait until Leah can make the money to support us. I have been discouraged about work, but today I was reminded why I do what I do, and for the most part love what I do.

EL is a patient I have been taking care for over a month. He is a precious baby boy with blue eyes, blonde- BLONDE hair. He was born with spina bifida. He has been through more in his 37 days than most go through in a lifetime. In the NICU, you not only have your actual patients as patients, you get the whole family. EL's mom is amazing. She has dealt with many set backs and disappointments like a champ. I am amazed at her strength. It was very hard for me to say goodbye to EL and his family. On the way out, EL's mom gave me a card. To most this would be a tiny gesture, to me it was the shooting star I needed to get refocused and remember how much I love what I do. Yes, I truly love my job. I am grateful for the chance to be apart of the lives of my patients. I am truly blessed to be allowed to take care of such innocent creatures. I am not usually outwardly religious, but God has blessed me with this opportunity.

It is funny how things happen in clusters. At home tonight, Leah mentioned seeing a CT scan on an old NICU patient of mine. GM was a micro-premie that I cared for as a 2nd year resident. GM and his family are the reason I want to be a neonatologist. 

The 3rd part of the cluster came when I checked email. I had a notification of a new journal entry on the Caring Bridge website of a cardiac patient I had the privilege of knowing when I was a resident (also in my second year). CR was born with an underdeveloped heart. He is now 3 years old. His mom wrote an amazing story of how CR saw the positive in a terrible situation when she could only see the negative.

I have been having a pitty party tonight, not sure why. But, then I remembered these 3 families, all they have been through, and all they have given/taught me. Then, I realized how amazing the journey of life is.