True Test

Well, again I have let too much time pass since putting my thoughts down. Here is what is going on currently in my world.

First, many of you may know that my better half (aka wife, Leah) is living in a new city. She is finishing up her training. Since Jan. 1st I have been experiencing the life of a single mom. The plan is for her to move back home in mid June. I am so proud of her for following her dreams and making herself as well trained as possible.

All that being said, it still means I am a full time mom with a full time job. Some days are hard, but most are a new kind of normal fun. The boys are troopers. On our trip to visit Leah, Ross showed just how big he is. He went through airport security all by himself and flew like a champ. Reid is not a bad traveler either, just more needed (what can you expect from an 18 month old). They both love Skype and Facetime. Reid actually calls the computer mama (aka Leah)- well that is how he gets to see her.

This experience is changing me in many ways- most I think for the better. I think and hope Leah agrees that this time apart has actually brought us closer together. Our conversations are more meaningful and connective. Also, the time being a single mom is making me better at mothering. I am learning to be more patient and understanding of the needs of the boys. Finally, I am enjoying my time at work more. No longer do I see it as a necessary evil that takes me away from the boys.

Enough rambling for now. I am hopefully back and will post again soon.

2 Years...

Well, I have been thinking a lot about my blog and wanting to bring it back to life. Tonight as the family sleeps I am awake pondering life. So, I came here to see when I had blog last. I was shocked at first to see the last entry date, August of 2008. Then, I started thinking about what has happened since then.

Let me recap first. This blog was started during one of the hardest times in my life. I reread an entry tonight on a blog I follow that really hit home. It was upon reading this entry the first time that I started missing my blog. I started this blog shortly after I almost lost my marriage and best friend. I started this blog as a personal outlet. Well, as things in my relationship with Leah improved I stopped blogging. Now, I realize how much having an outlet can be beneficial. More on that later.

Now to catch up on what has happened in the past 2 years. (Wow 2 years). So, we mended our marriage and got a lot closer. We spent time in therapy and focusing on our relationship as wives and as moms. Six months later, we decided to grow our family. We got pregnant quickly this time around. In January of 2009, we became pregnant with baby #2. Tiny love was the name we called this baby. See, we decided not to find out the sex this go around. It was wonderful not knowing and finding out the day we gave birth. On September 2, 2009 Reid Louis Braswell joined our family.

Now life is busy with 2 kids and 2 working moms finding time for me once again has been pushed to the back burner. Lately, I have been in a funk. We have lots of changes ahead of us and my plate feels full. (I will expand on details soon). Life is always going to be busy. There are going to be times I feel overwhelmed. I am realizing that I need to take care of myself so I can do what I enjoy most- being a wife and mother. Here I go....

Update

The past 3 weeks have been EXTREMELY busy. I last posted on July 17th. The day after that post (on July 18th) life got crazy. My mom got a chest xray. Leah read the film after my dad called and asked her to look at it. Well, Leah called me and said my mom needed a CT scan. So in record time, after way too many phone calls, and pulling all the strings we could as doctors in the UAMS system, Leah and I, got mom a CT scan that Friday afternoon. Well, the scan should a LARGE mass. It looked like a tumor coming from the space between her lungs and chest wall. I was scared, we all were scared. The blob (the name mom gave the tumor) was biopsied the following Tuesday. Initial pathology report looked like a benign tumor (aka not cancer). Again in record time, mom underwent major surgery 2 weeks after the tumor was found. On Aug. 1st I sat in a waiting room full of family and friends. The blob was easily removed. The final path was also benign. As scary as it was to have mom sick, it was an experience that again brought healing to my relationship with my family.

If you did not already know, I had a rough (at best) relationship with my family the first 4 years after I "came out." I have experienced tremendous healing of this precious relationship since just before Ross was born. To be exact, 5 weeks before Ross was born. My mother took great care of me when I was on bed rest. She was even a little upset with Leah that we waited until 8AM the morning I first was hospitalized. Did she think after 4 years of barely talking we would wake her up at 4AM. I think not.

Anyway,  Leah and I played a major role in this whole ordeal. Leah (poor thing) read the chest xray and the ct scan. We knew the doctors doing the biopsy. We helped pick out the surgeon. We both got to answer lots of questions and be there as daughters and doctors. Leah in her Leah fashion was extremely calm and positive. It was a gift to have this chance to see my parents respect, trust, and want /need Leah around.

Well, if you think that was busy... The day after my mom's surgery we headed to the beach. My mom would not let us stay in Little Rock. See, this was a family vacation planned a year plus ago. My dad is one of 5 boys and for the past 10 plus years several of the families have gone to the beach together. The France Family beach trip was planned and mom wanted us to go. So, I went with Leah, Ross, 3 sisters, 2 brothers, 2 nephews, 3 nieces,  a sister in law, 2 aunts, 2 uncles, and 7 cousins to the beach. We had 4 condos, 6 umbrellas, and 12 beach chairs. It was a blast. However, I NOW need a vacation. The condo I stayed in housed the 3 Braswells, my older sister and her 4 kids, my sister in law and her 8 month old, and our family helper (she came to help since mom couldn't come). 6 kids in one condo is not a relaxing vacation. I am not complaining! I loved being around everyone. I am just stating the obvious.

Ross adored the beach and water. He calls the ocean a pool and wakes up every morning asking "where dunter (aka Hunter my 9 year old nephew). 

We got home last night and I am thankful for the peace and quite. I will post pictures soon.

Oh @#*% I'm 30!

Well, it happened. I turned 30 and guess what... I survived! So, I worried over the big day and the idea of turning 30. The big day was Monday. I had a wondeful day. Sunday, my mom cooked a big family birthday dinner. It was my favorites- pork tenderloin, mashed potatoes, and broccoli with cheese sauce. Then a great birthday cake from Mickey's- chocolate on chocolate. Then, Monday I had the day to myself. No work and no Ross for the morning. It was so relaxing. Then a date with my wife. Can you believe! Just the 2 of us! We went to a nice, romantic dinner. The weather was so nice we ate on the porch at Acadia. I tried soemthing new. I ate duck. It was tasty. The side dish was even better- cheese grits! Dessert was a mixed berry cobbler for me and a carmel chocolate tort for Leah. 

Oh, the presents were unbelievable. Leah (being the wonderful wife she is) had a portrait of Ross commissioned for me. A childhood friend of Leah's took a picture of Ross and turned it into an unbelievable oil portrait. I am the luckiest woman on the face of the earth. My family gave me (us) a new video camera. Leah was so intelligent on this. She took the initiative and told my sister that we needed a new video camera. I am terrible at asking for gifts. I am over joyed to have a new camera.

Well, I can now say with a smile that I am 30!!!! I would not change where I am in life for anything. Life right at this moment is just where I  want to be. I have a wife that loves and adores me (and that I love and adore too), a son that makes me smile more and more each day, an extended family that I cherish spending time with, a job I enjoy, and a house that keeps me safe. Life is GOOD!

Just A Note

Today was a little rough for me. I discharged a patient I had become attached to. This is something that doctors are taught not to do. However, it is a serious complication being a pediatrician. Not only am I a pediatrician, but I work in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (aka NICU). I want to see a person with feelings not get attached to this precious beings. My job is at times very difficult. Lately, I have felt out of place and insecure. I am a general pediatrician working in a very specialized unit. I am planning on getting the extra training to be a neonatologist. I just have to wait until Leah can make the money to support us. I have been discouraged about work, but today I was reminded why I do what I do, and for the most part love what I do.

EL is a patient I have been taking care for over a month. He is a precious baby boy with blue eyes, blonde- BLONDE hair. He was born with spina bifida. He has been through more in his 37 days than most go through in a lifetime. In the NICU, you not only have your actual patients as patients, you get the whole family. EL's mom is amazing. She has dealt with many set backs and disappointments like a champ. I am amazed at her strength. It was very hard for me to say goodbye to EL and his family. On the way out, EL's mom gave me a card. To most this would be a tiny gesture, to me it was the shooting star I needed to get refocused and remember how much I love what I do. Yes, I truly love my job. I am grateful for the chance to be apart of the lives of my patients. I am truly blessed to be allowed to take care of such innocent creatures. I am not usually outwardly religious, but God has blessed me with this opportunity.

It is funny how things happen in clusters. At home tonight, Leah mentioned seeing a CT scan on an old NICU patient of mine. GM was a micro-premie that I cared for as a 2nd year resident. GM and his family are the reason I want to be a neonatologist. 

The 3rd part of the cluster came when I checked email. I had a notification of a new journal entry on the Caring Bridge website of a cardiac patient I had the privilege of knowing when I was a resident (also in my second year). CR was born with an underdeveloped heart. He is now 3 years old. His mom wrote an amazing story of how CR saw the positive in a terrible situation when she could only see the negative.

I have been having a pitty party tonight, not sure why. But, then I remembered these 3 families, all they have been through, and all they have given/taught me. Then, I realized how amazing the journey of life is.

Pictures From after the Rain!

See previous post for more details!

A Great Weekend!

Well, I guess the newness of having a blog wore off a little. It has been a couple of days since my last post. 

To catch up- The Braswell Family had an unbelievable great weekend. Here is how it went.

Friday, we ate dinner at Damn Good Pies. They have some of the best pizza in town. Ross did well at the restaurant. He joined 2 different tables throughout the course of dinner. He has never met a stranger! Off to bed. Ross got off his mattress 3 times, so it was back in the crib for him. 

Saturday, we woke up around 7:00 and went for a walk. On our walk we got caught in the rain. Ross LOVED IT. He enjoyed getting wet and loved trying to catch the rain in his hands. After showers and getting dressed, we headed to Community Bakery for coffee and breakfast. Ross helped a total stranger play cards. We then went on a hunt for scooters. Leah really likes the idea of saving money on gas. We hit 3 different stores that carry scooters. The family unanimously chose the Vespa scooters. Ross even tried to climb up on them. We did let him sit on the seats of a few. Leftover pizza for lunch. Then it was nap time. But, Ross had other plans. He played in his bed for an hour with no sleep. This means that Leah slept and I listened to Ross play. Someday, I hope I can settle when he is not. So, we got up and went to a couple of furniture stores. We are looking for a dinning room table and chairs. Then, we picked up some chicken from Fresh Market. The 3 of us enjoyed an elegant dinner at home. Later in the evening, we interviewed a possible new nanny for Ross. Off to bed. 

Sunday, I woke up at 6:00 and got Leah up. We got ready for a walk and then woke Ross up. He opened his eyes and the first word out of his mouth was walk. After our walk, we enjoyed a restful morning enjoying coffee and the newspaper. Off to St. Margaret's 9:00 service. We love our church. Ross got to play in the nursery. Then we drove home. Ross fell asleep in the car and slept in Leah's arms at home for an hour. He is still battling a fever bug. We think he is teething. Then it was lunch with Bebbie and Erin. Ross had a small meltdown, due to his fever coming back. A 2 hour nap was enjoyed by some. My mom called to see if Ross could come play. She had found a turtle and wanted him to see it. Leah got a haircut. After a couple of hours playing in Mimi and Papa's backyard it was time to go to the grocery store. Bebbie came over for dinner. And then Ross got to see Pia for the first time in 2 weeks. He is so glad his baby cousin is back from Texas. Ross went off to bed without a peep. Leah and I got to get some office work and calendar planning accomplished.  (Legend: Bebbie= Leah's mom, Mimi and Papa= my parents, Pia= my brother Vincent's 6 month old named Sophia- Ross nicknamed her Pia).

It was a busy weekend, but one that has truly rejuvenated me. Time for the tired E-mama to get some sleep.